I Lost You
by sanemadness
Summary: Sequel and Spain's POV to "It's Just Not Worth It". Spain leaves Romano when things in Europe get too difficult. But how will he react when he finds out about Romano's suicide? M for language, mention of sex, and mention of suicide.
1. Chapter 1

_**Note: So finally after many people asked me too, here is the sequel/Spain's POV to "It's Just Not Worth It". I was not sure I was going to go about doing this but I feel pretty proud in how it turned out. I did a lot of research for the funeral so I hope you … like it? I do not own Hetalia!**_

_**WARNING: Again M for language, a lot more then the last one, mention of suicide, and talk of sex. If you do not like do not read! It is quite simple. **_

_**Oh, a suggestion … during the funeral part listen to **_.com/watch?v=VVOuP6HOqV0&list=FLbdfvUYSS0TAlPaRm1PL0rQ&index=11_**, although it is not Italian (actually it's Russian) nor is it Catholic (Catholic Orthodox Church) nor does the song have anything to do with death or a funeral (actually about Blessing the Holy Virgin) it is moving none the less. **_

I Lost You

Spain's POV to "It's Just not Worth it"/ Sequel

"It's … just not worth it anymore, Romano." Spain said. He had never thought this day would come. Spain loved Romano more than mere words could express. But moving away from the grumpy Italian had done horrible things to their relationship. Things with the Euro were getting worse and there was no sight of it ever getting better and it was constantly on his mind. On top of that they were both so busy with their own countries to even pay each other enough attention. Spain was beginning to feel his eyes wander to others and Romano definitely deserved a lover who wasn't thinking of cheating on him. Romano's voice broke Spain from his thoughts.

"W-what? What do you mean?" Spain heard the crack in Romano's voice and for the first time he did not call him 'bastard' or use any other swear words. Spain took a deep breath as he leaned back into the chair, closing his eyes.

"This … Romano … it's just not worth it anymore," He said but stopped. He hated what he was doing but Spain knew if he did not he would only end up hurting Romano even more in the end. It was so painful to leave the person he loved but Spain also knew it would kill him if he cheated on Romano. "I can't do this … I'm sorry but we're over." He finally said those two words that killed the best thing he ever had _"We're over" _rang in his head after he said them. A deadly silence came over both of them. Spain wanted to say something, anything, to make this easier- not for himself but the person he just broke. But really what could he say to make it better? Nothing. Finally feeling sick from the deafening silence Spain built up enough courage to say something, "Romano?"

"I think … you should just … go." Romano's voice sounded cold and empty. And it surprised Spain. It was not as if he believed that Romano would beg and plead for him not to leave but he was not even fighting it. This lessens some of Spain's guilt thinking that maybe Romano had wanted this as well. Spain was about to hang up, without saying goodbye- no that would hurt too much, a thought sprang into his head. Not that he had any proof of it, Spain was worried about Romano's health, and he did not want to leave only to find out that Romano was hurting himself. Spain swallowed the guilt rising in his throat.

"Oh … okay … Romano? Promise me one thing?" Spain said and for a moment expected Romano to say yes but when he did not Spain continued. "Promise me you won't … you know, hurt yourself?" Spain finally said. He knew as long as Romano promised him this he would not feel so guilty about the whole thing. But he definitely was not ready for Romano's reply.

"No … you've done enough of that for both of us." Spain winced at the anger in the Italian's voice.

"Romano, please, promise me this! Don't do it for me but at least for your-" Spain was cut off by Romano's voice again.

"Bye- click-" And then nothing. Spain stared down at his phone to see that Romano did in fact hang up on him. Spain's thumb rested over the call-back button but he decided to let it go. Like before, he had no proof that Romano would hurt himself. '_No … Romano is strong. He would never do that to himself' _And with that Spain stood up and walked to his bedroom. Sleep did not come easily to him but it did.

Spain woke up the next day feeling worse than he ever had. Although he got a full night of sleep, it had been spent tossing and turning. He found himself staring at his phone all day, forcing himself not to touch it in fear of calling or texting Romano. It felt odd. Maybe odd was not the right word to use. Wrong. That was a better word; it felt wrong for Spain to be in his house knowing that he would not hear form Romano. Never receive a little love text from him. Spain shook his head, '_come on! Stick with your decision!' _He told himself as he walked out to the tomato field behind his house. But he found that that was the worst thing to do. As he stood there in the sun he could almost see a little Romano, in his pink dress, running through the rows of tomatoes; his ghost self not far behind, laughing and smiling.

The vision in front of him changed to an adult Romano knelling with him tending to tomatoes. He could not remember what they had been talking about but he knew it was before he had asked the grumpy nation out. Spain wondering if it had been better to have never asked him out. The words 'It is better to have loved and lost than never to love at all' floated through Spain's mind. He nodded to himself. He was glad he had three wonderful, happy years with Romano and for now that's all he could ask and want for.

Once again the vision changed and Spain felt the blood in his face drain. He was lying on top of Romano, giving the other showers of kisses. This had been the first time Romano said "Ti amo". Spain felt as if he needed to advert his eyes from the tender scene in front of him. But Romano's voice pierced his heart and soon it was his moans. They had made love right there in the tomato field afterwards. Although he closed his eyes and turned away, the haunting sounds and mental images clawed away at Spain.

::A week later::

Spain tried to keep busy but he was finding this whole thing harder than he ever thought. He found himself staring at his phone in hand often wondering what he should do. He was beginning to get lonely so he flipped opened his phone and dialed the first person he thought of.

"Ring-ring-ring-ring …" the phone continued to ring and finally went to voice mail. "Bonjour, sorry I can't answer my phone for I'm being wonderfully handsome elsewhere! Leave me a message and I'll get back to you, adieu!"(so yea I know this sucks but I could not think of what France would say on his voice mail) There was a pause before the loud beep. Spain hung up instead of leaving a message. _'Well … that's a no on France … Hm, maybe Prussia is up for something' _Spain told himself. Again he dialed a number and waited.

"Ring-ring- HEY! Spain, what's up?" Prussia yelled into the phone. Spain smiled a bit glad that he had answered his phone.

"Nothing, amigo, just looking for someone to do something with … you in?" Spain asked hoping he said yes.

"Sorry dude, Awesome me has an appointment with Specks … in which I plan on seizing his vital regions! Kesesese!" Prussia laughed loudly causing the Spaniard to move the phone away from his ear. "Why don't you do something with your Italian boyfriend?" Prussia asked innocently. Spain winced at the mention of his ex-lover, not that he expected Prussia to know.

"Um … well … ex-boyfriend actually." Spain said quietly and was only met by silence.

"Well that sucks … don't worry dude you'll find someone better than him." (Prussia thinks Romano left Spain) Prussia said and Spain opened his mouth to correct him but Prussia cut him off, "anyway, Awesome me has to go, weidersehen (_goodbye)_." Prussia added before hanging up.

Spain shook his head as he looked through his contacts. He tried Belgium but she did not answer. He deleted Romano's number so to banish the temptation. He skipped Italy's, knowing other then Romano he would be the last person Spain wanted to talk to. He did not call Austria knowing Prussia would be with him. He slowly went through his old colonies but they either did not answer the phone or were already busy. Spain sighed feeling defeated decided he did not want to sit in his house alone. Quickly making up his mind he grabbed his coat and headed out the door.

::Next morning::

Spain groaned as he rolled over his head and body hurt all over. He decided then that going out drinking had not solved anything and only proceeded to make him feel worse. As he stretched out he touched something soft and warm. Skin. And lots of it. Spain's eyes flew open as he saw what he come in contact with. A woman. In his bed. Naked in his bed. Naked in his bed with him, he found himself also naked. Spain closed his eyes shut as he tangled his fingers in his messy hair. '_Mi Dios!'_ Spain could not believe his stupidity. It was becoming obvious to last night's events: he had gone out drinking-his first mistake, he had obviously picked up this young woman, and then not only after bringing her back to his place he slept with her! Spain groaned as he rolled back onto his back but this only woke his "partner".

"Hm … good morning handsome" she said cheerfully as he cuddled closer to him. Spain took a deep breath through his nose as he tried to calm himself, but he found he could not. He did not even know her name.

"Si … Buenos Dias (_good morning)_…" He said quietly but did not open his eyes. The woman did not seem to care as she laid her head on his bare chest. This felt so wrong compared to mornings with Romano. '_Don't think about him!' _He told himself.

"Should I go make us some breakfast, querido (_darling)_?" she asked as she sat up looking down at Spain.

"Sure ..." Spain said tightly when really he just wanted her to leave but could not find it him in to send her away. He sighed as she got up from the bed. He waited until she had dressed and left the room before getting up himself, dressing before heading down stairs. He watched her cook but did not say anything, not even when she placed the food in front of him. He quietly ate as she watched.

"So … Antonio … do you have any plans for today?" she asked as she started some coffee. Spain instantly felt bad that she knew his name but he did not know hers. And that she was obviously human.

"Nothing … tending to my plants … uh …" Spain desperately searched his brain for the information but was drowning.

"Christina." She said with a small giggle as he drank her coffee. Spain only nodded. "I was wondering if you wanted to go out to eat or just walk around. I know we were both pretty drunk last night but I really enjoyed spending time with you." She added turning a bit pink. Spain stopped eating and thought over her words. He knew he should say no, they would never work out. But some part of him wanted just to be with another person. He did not want to be alone.

"I would like that very much." Spain said as he looked up at her smiling. He did feel a little guilty for using her like this but at this point in time he did not care.

::Three weeks later::

Spain was awoken by the sound of someone screaming and pounding on what he thought was his head. But it was not, it was his door. As he slowly became more aware of what was going on he knew someone was pounding on his door and shouting in another language. It was not until he pulled a shirt on did he realize the person was shouting in Italian. Some of the swear words he understood. Spain smacked himself as he felt a smile start and a warm feel in his chest. '_You broke up with Romano … stop it!' _He told himself as headed for his bedroom door. Unfortunately the yelling and door-beating had woken Christina as well.

"Antonio?" She said sleepily as he rubbed her face. Spain inwardly groaned as he turned to look at her. "What's all that noise?" She asked as she looked at Spain, eyes half laden with sleep.

"I'm not sure," Spain lied through his teeth, "but go back to sleep and I'll deal with this." He said and hoped it would be enough. And it was, Christina laid back down and was asleep in no time. Spain sighed as he bolted from the room taking the stairs two at a time. As he got closer to the door he could hear Romano screaming better.

"…Lei il bastardo, apre questa porta maledetta fottendo giustamente ora! Giuro a dio se lei non fa fottendo aperto questo dio condanna la porta farò la rottura maledetta esso giù! Lei i malati, il bastardo, la potrebbero come fotte fa ciò? Lei l'ha ucciso! Lei fottendo l'ha ucciso! Lei fotte l'ha rotto, lei il figlio di una femmina(_You bastard, open this damn door right fucking now! I swear to God if you don't I will fucking break it down! You sick bastard, how could you fucking do that? You killed him! You fucking killed him! You fucking broke him you son of a bitch)_!" Spain winced a bit hearing his tone. But none the less he ripped opened the door. Only to see a crying, red faced, very angry Veneziano. The two men just stood there for a moment staring at each other. Spain was about to say something when felt pain explode in the left side of his face. Veneziano had just punched him. "You bastard! What the fuck is your problem?" Veneziano yelled as he japed Spain in the chest with his pointer finger. Spain was shocked to say the least. He had never heard Veneziano swear and when he did he sounded just like Romano. Which brought Spain to his next question (s): Why was Veneziano here yelling at him and where was Romano. Spain looked around Veneziano, who continued to yell at him in Italian but he did not spot the other Italian.

"Where is Romano?" Spain asked looking at Veneziano but that seemed to be the worse question for the Spaniard to ask.

"Where is he?" Veneziano was almost in hysterics again. Veneziano brought his right hand against Spain's cheek, which already hurt from his punch. "Lei ha del nervo (_You have some nerve) _to say his name … after what you did to him, bastardo!" Veneziano huffed as he gave even Romano's worse glare a run for its money. "It's not like you give a damn, stronzo (_asshole)_. He loved you! And you abandoned him, i malati fottono _(sick fuck)_!" He added with more malice and venom then Spain had ever heard from someone.

"Just tell me where he is?" Spain asked again, he had a sick feeling that was beginning to sit in his heart. Again Veneziano went to slap him but Spain caught his wrist and gripped it, his hold tightening by the second. "Veneziano! Enough! Where is Romano damn -it?" Spain yelled growing more angry with the other Italian. And right before his eyes Veneziano's face fell and crumbled into mass tears and screams. Spain sighed and let go of his wrist and rubbed the bridge of his nose, he tried to understand any of the words coming out of his mouth but it was unsure if he was speaking. Spain shook Veneziano until he stopped crying.

"Romano … is … Romano è morto (_is dead)_." Veneziano said as more sobs racked his small body. Spain stared at the crying man unsure if he had heard him correctly, seeing as the word morto sounded a lot like a word in Spanish. "Romano está muerto (_is dead)_." Veneziano said in Spain's native tongue just barely above a whisper. Those two words stopped the world for the Spaniard. '_Dead … no … he can't'_ Spain told himself as he just stared off into space not even noticing that Veneziano was weakly beating his hands on Spain's chest. Again Spain shook Veneziano until his amber eyes meet his green ones.

"When? How? Why? Tell me damn-it!" Spain yelled as he shook Veneziano harder with each word. Veneziano was shaking by the time Spain realized he could not answer him unless he stopped shaking him.

"I … I don't know … last night or this morning …" Veneziano studdered but continued, "he … he hung himself … there was a note." Veneziano said before nearly collapsing into tears and screams again. Spain started to feel the world crush down on him. So many questions where running through his mind he felt himself sway a bit, both he and Veneziano where on shaky legs.

"The note … Veneziano! What did the note say?" Spain finally managed out, his voice breaking as he began to feel more desperate to know why Romano chose to take his own life. Veneziano nodded and took a few gasping breathes before answering.

"It's just not worth it anymore …" Spain was sure a feather could have knocked him over as those very words left Veneziano's mouth. '_It's not worth it anymore …'_ Those words, in his own voice rang in his head. Those where the last words Romano remembered hearing from him. Those were the words that sealed Romano's death. Spain's legs finally gave out from under him and both he and Veneziano fell to the ground in the open door; Spain's hands still griping Veneziano's, who was crying again. Spain felt everything was surreal. Things were not suppose to be like this. Romano was suppose to be alive, calling him a bastard, and eating a tomato. Not cold and lifeless. Spain finally saw Veneziano fumble with something but what he did not see until it was dropped into his hand. It was a thin gold ban with white gold in the middle. "This … was on … on the note." Veneziano managed between sobs.

Spain stared down at the ring, amazed at how something so small could weigh so much. He and Veneziano sat there for God knows how long until finally both their tears stopped. Veneziano slowly pushed himself to his feet standing above Spain, who still stared down at the ring.

"Don't even think of coming to the funeral …" Veneziano said as he walked away from Spain, who did not look up until he heard what sounded to be nails on a chalk board. He watched as Veneziano dragged a number of keys across Christina's car causing ugly white marks all over the bright blue car. "This is quella femmina (_that bitch's) _car, no?" He said the malice and hatred so thick in his voice Spain was sure he must be choking on it. Spain could not even answer as he watched as the other man turned to kick and punch in his own car. But Spain was far from caring.

Spain did not move from the spot in the doorway. He just sat there and wept and clutched the last thing he had of Romano. More painful memories flashed before his closed eyes. He did not even hear when Christina came down stairs looking for him.

"Antonio … is something wrong? Who was that?" Christina asked as she walked closer to her lover. Spain just leaned back against the door breathing deep as more tears ran down his face like razor blades. "Antonio?" She asked again as he reached out for him. But as she was about to touch him he jerked away from her and stood up.

"You need to go." Spain said his voice low as he walked past her into his house.

"What?" Christina asked unsure what happened earlier and not really believing what her lover was saying.

"I told you to fucking GO!" Spain yelled as he pointed towards the door. "Get out of my HOUSE!" He yelled, more tears running down his face. Christina jumped at his tone but ran out as soon as she could. She did not care how the scratches got on her car, seeing as Spain's was much worse off.

Spain listened as he heard her car pull further and further away. This left him feeling more alone then he had ever felt. He fell to his knees and screamed to heaven, to God, to his Romano.

::A week later::

Spain wondered around Rome, it was so quiet today- almost as if the whole city was dead. He knew he should not be but he could not keep away from the beautiful city. His lover's city. '_Ex-lover … the lover you broke … that you killed …' _Spain stopped as a poster caught his eye. On a closer expect ion he saw it was indeed Romano's picture on it. Although he did not know what it said, being in Italian, he could tell it was a poster announcing his death. This one was neither the first nor the last of its kind that he would see. They were all over Rome and probably Italy, seeing as Romano had been half of Italy's personification. Spain pressed his forehead into the wall the poster was attached to with a sigh. Suddenly two hands flipped him around, shoving him into the wall. Spain's green eyes met red ones. Prussia's.

"Dude what are you doing here?" Prussia asked as he looked Spain up and down. Spain did the same to his friend noticing he was covered in black. It took him a moment to figure out why: the funeral.

"It's today … isn't it?" Spain asked as he looked around but did not see anyone.

"Doesn't matter, if … Italy finds out you're here, especially today and especially in Rome … he'll go crazy!" Prussia said pushing Spain back into the wall. Spain shook as he realized that Veneziano would be going by Italy now since there was only one person personifying the country Italy.

"I don't care, amigo … I deserve it …" Spain whispered. Prussia combed his fingers through his mess hair before looking down at his watch.

"Scheiße! I have to go … stay out of the way." Prussia said as he headed off towards a nearby church. Spain knew it was Prussia's way of telling him that he would not say that Spain was here but not to get too close to the funeral possession.

Spain watched as all the citizens of Rome poured out of the church, one large black mourning mass. When finally there was a part in the black sea of people to only six men carrying a coffin. Romano's coffin. Spain felt tears well and spill down his face as he watched his lover be carried to the horse drawn carriage that would carry him to his finally resting place. As the carriage headed towards the cemetery the mass of mourners followed by foot behind. In the front was of Italy, Germany, and Prussia. Not far behind them was Austria and Hungry along with Switzerland and Lichtenstein. Nearly every nation he knew was there in the crowd somewhere. As they walked the cries and sobs raised until Spain was sure the whole world could hear Rome's mourning over their lost.

Spain felt his very being crack and break as he watched Romano's coffin lowered into the ground. Spain would never see his beautiful shinning hazel eyes**, never hear his voice, never feel the touch of his warm, soft skin beneath his hands, and never again tell him that he did love him. It was then that the wails became one strong, beautiful voice raising high into the heaven until Spain was sure Romano could hear his people.

"…E seppellire lassù in montagna, o bella, ciao! bella, ciao! bella, ciao, ciao, ciao! E seppellire lassù in montagna, sotto l'ombra di un bel fior …(_Bury me up in the mountains, oh goodbye beautiful, goodbye beautiful, good bye beautiful bye bye! Bury me up in the mountain, under the shade of a beautiful flower.)_" All of Rome sang and mourned.

Spain remained hidden as he watched the other mourners flow and eb until it was just his fellow nations remaining. And soon they too dwindled in numbers. Soon it was just three mourners and Spain. He knew who it was and dared not reveal himself.

After what seemed like hours the last three men turned and walked away. And this was when Spain dashed to the cemetery, to the freshly laid soil. Spain stared down at grave marker as a feral cry ripped from his throat. Spain fell to his knees into the ground wailing for only person he now knew he could only love.

"I have lost you!" he cried to the heavens.

_**Well, there you have it … we know why Spain did what he did, we saw Veneziano punch and slap him and swear like a sailor, and saw Spain cry … a lot. I hope you're … eh happy with the sequel to "It's Just not Worth It". **_

_**So I just edited this, there has been a debate over Romano's eye color. I've heard/seen green, brown, or hazel-which is like a mix between green and brown. So I changed them from amber to hazel.****_

_**Ciao! **_


	2. NOTE

_**NOTE:: this is NOT a new chapter … sorry -.- But I am in the process writing a new chapter of "It's Just not Worth it" but I've hit some writing block … so I need your help! I posted a poll on my profile asking if I should bring Romano back. Go vote! Details on my profile, so please go vote! Plus if you vote the sooner I can get out that new chapter And I'll make cookies *holds plate of warm cookies* yummy! **_

_**Well stay sane! **_

_**Sanemandess 3 **_


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